So I grew up in a very small town, where everyone knows everyone and everyone thinks they know everything about you. I have compiled a list of some stereotypical aspects of living in a tiny town.
1. Small towns have fewer people, so that one good looking guy/girl gets hailed as an unattainable beauty whose name becomes immortalized and treasured as the fittest person in [insert town here]. Everyone knows their name and if per chance you manage to pull this creature, you will be met by a round of cheers in that one local pub that you all go to. If you go out with this person you will be met with ‘she can do so much better’, ‘why does he like her, she’s a sket’ or a more friendly ‘lucky sod.’
2. That one local pub! Everyone goes to this pub! All day, everyday same place, same time. Same night out, same faces, same goings on. The barmaid knows what you want and it’s on your favourite place at the bar before you’ve even plonked yourself down.
3. So you meet a girl and you really like her (you met at that one club bar in town), you start talking. Your conversation naturally turns to working out how many of the same people you know, then you work out five of your mates have already dipped their willies in her. Annoying yes, but you’ve already popped your sausage in her sister, her cousin and three of her mates, so you decide to date her anyway. It’s pretty hard to find a S.O in a small town that hasn’t been with at least someone you already know.
4. People dress the same. It’s not their fault! It’s because your town has approx one fashion store and you all have to buy your clobber from there. I’ve just moved to a new small town where most people seem to buy their garbs from the Saturday chav market – think neon, leggings and hats with SIIIIIICCK written on them.
5. The family name!!!!!! No matter what small town it is! They have a hard-family name that gets thrown around when people need get out of bother. ‘If you hit me yeah, I’ll get one of the [insert hard-family name here] to sort you out. If I went up to someone in London and said ‘I’m a Babbage mate’ they would pat my head and say ‘good for you poppet’ – lies, they’ll barge me out of the way without a care in the world.
6. The town crazy! Cities like to ignore the weirdos, but small towns make them legends. They become local celebrities!
7. In small towns time appears to never pass. A girl can walk into a bar and then someone puts their head down says’oh shit it’s my ex,’ ‘oh mate, shall we leave?’ ‘Yeah I dated her for three weeks in year 10 and got with her mate, so she hates me.’ ‘Dude you’re fucking 30 now…. time to move on!’ On the subject of…. when towns are tiny, gossip is rife and time doesn’t lapse, you have to be careful not to get punched ten years after slipping your digits in someone elses bird.
8. On the flip side, living in a small town, means you actually make the most solid friendships that last forever and you spend your time in that one bar, slagging it and all inhabitants off insisting you are nothing like the others.